100 Things

What the hell, everyone else does:

1.   I’m 5.11

2.   In my (very) early thirties

3.   I live in Richmond, London

4.   I’ve got a degree in Psychology

5.   I don’t use it

6.   I work in marketing

7.   I got married when I was 26

8.   split up at 28

9.   I’ve just come out of a two relationship

10.  My ex is stunningly beautiful

11.  And shockingly unstable

12.  9 weeks and three days after I finished it, she still ring, texts and emails every day

13.  I’m now trying to move onwards and upwards

14.  This blog will be my account of that, focusing on the shiny new sex I’ll chase with shiny new ladies

15.  My penis is nearly 9 inches when hard

16.  I’m extremely proud of it

17.  I’ve slept with 18 people

18.  I slept with a man once, but I didn’t find it much fun

19.  I don’t mind if women spit rather than swallow

20.  I find it easier being friends with women

21.  But I have some good male friends

22.  I started masturbating when I was 9

23.  I currently masturbate at least twice daily

24.  Three times today already

25.  Yes I know, I need to channel this into real sex with a real person

26.  I get incredibly turned on by talking dirty during sex

27.  And by giving oral sex

28.  But I have a problem with female body hair

29.  And toilet humour

30.  I hate that

31.  I’ve been called fastidious

32.  I live alone in a stereotypical bachelor pad

33.  I’m expending huge amounts in rent for no reason other than I hope it helps with women

34.  I’ve ordered my entire life around my sexuality

35.  Women are really the only thing that matters to me

36.  I’m looking for an intellectual woman

37.  With a raging sexual appetite concealed from public view

38.  My corner of West London hasn’t revealed any so far

39.  I went Speed Dating Recently

40.  I ticked 5 out of 14 women

41.  7 out of 14 ticked me

42.  But only one match

43.  Conclusion? Everyone ticks up. I ticked in aspiration, rejecting those where I thought I could do better, those ones ticked up and ticked me

44.  I realise that this reductivist Mr Logic reasoning is not too romantic

45.  My penis is so central to my sex life it may as well be a third person in the bed

46.  I need it to be admired

47.  I remember every comment which every woman has ever made about it

48. Even blog comments 

49.  I find large-ish women to be equally as sexy as skinny women

50.  But lets face it, obesity is ugly in men and women alike

51.  I played doctors and nurses with a school friend when I was in junior school

52.  I used to like ‘inspecting’ her naked bottom

53.  She liked holding my penis when I pee’d

54.  When I was younger I tried to use intellect to get women into bed

55.  This is a low percentage approach and I won’t be using it in future

56.  When women are kind I can misinterpret that kindness

57.  I think most men do this

58.  I want to sleep with 25 of my Facebook friends

59.  I haven’t had sex for over 2 months

60.  This is my longest break for a decade

61.  I’m a bookish kind of guy

62.  I go for geek chic and it works to a point

63.  I feel like I punch marginally above my weight with women

64.  I find one night stands compelling, exciting and grim

65.  I’m looking for one

66.  I once gave a woman an orgasm using a peeled banana

67.  You need to be very careful it doesn’t break

68.  I don’t know whether to destroy or keep the sex photos from my last relationship

69.  I love porn

70.  But American porn is generally crap and belittles the women

71.  Gay porn is better, but doesn’t appeal to my particular orientation

72.  I’m embarrassed to admit that I always download celebrity sex tapes

73.  My first long term partner used to give sex a score out of ten

74.  That keeps you on your toes

75.  On the plus side, she used to regularly wake me up by giving me blow jobs

76.  I’ve never had a threesome

77.  The sexiest sex blogs are the very intimate honest ones (with pictures)

78.  I smile at women in the street and most smile back

79.  I fall in mini-love with random women every day

80.  I like my toes being sucked, but don’t like sucking my partners toes

81.  I never ever sleep naked

82.  But I like it when women do

83.  I never know if you should ask before putting a finger up a woman’s bottom

84.  Probably you shouldn’t ask, but should be prepared to instantly stop

85.  If I notice my penis is showing through my jeans I usually just leave it

86.  I want it to be noticed

87.  I once met a woman with a pierced tongue who said it was done for blow jobs

88.  I asked her for a blow job, so she gave me one, there and then

89.  It was the day before a court appearance and took her mind off it.

90.  I slept with a woman who shaved her vagina once: It was stubbly and I didn’t like it

91.  I had a multi-orgasmic girlfriend when I was very young, but I ruined it by bragging to my mates

92.  I like rimming

93.  It’s not just gay people who do this

94.  I’m attracted to all of my female friends

95.  I’ve never, ever had a wet dream

96.  I probably masturbated too much when I should have been having them

97.  I’m currently obsessing over Billie Piper in Belle De Jour

98.  Thoughts of women completely dominate my life

99.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way

100.  There is much more to me than sex

On my sofa this evening